I don’t know about you, but I’m not really a fan of dating. That’s most likely because of most of my dating history. Lets just say they all weren’t cream of the crop material… but hey, I didn’t used to know my value until the last few years and once I started using that to weed out the losers my dating life has gotten better (not great but definitely better)!
For the most part I’ve taken a self-imposed two year hiatus from dating. Why? Well there’s many reasons. The biggest reason is because I started building my dream that is Mod City Magazine and I’d be damned if I let anyone or thing get in the way of that. Another reason is I was jaded and just needed a break to focus entirely on MCM and of course myself.
Last night something inspired me to create a list of dating rules. Not rules for everyone, rules from my rules book or as I like to hashtag it, #AmysRulesBook. They’re meant to be humorous but let me tell you, I’m dead serious about these. I feel like they’re common sense yet common mistakes made while dating. Some of these come from a place of experience and others from a place of, “just so you know…” I believe that when you put things into the universe things manifest from those thoughts and statements. So if you’re going by that belief and by my dating record, it definitely doesn’t hurt to throw it out there! Doesn’t hurt one bit. Especially as I’m getting all suited up and back in play of the dating game.
So without further ado, here are rules from the dating section inside Amy’s rules book….
If the last substantive book you read was “Goodnight, Moon” then we can’t even get a drink. Period.
If you are over 25 and always smell of weed and/or booze, get to stepping.
If you have kids and you see them less than 3 days a week, we’ve got nothing.
If early on your ex calls my phone, messages me or shows up at my house, all bets on us are off. And I don’t care how “crazy” she is.
There is a 30 minute grace period on all dates before I leave and turn off my phone.
If the city, county, state or feds are looking for you – guess again about us.
If you ever call your mom, your ex, your baby mama or the waitress a bitch – then don’t even dial my number.
If you don’t have a clue what I do for a living and fail to even ask me – keep walking because I’m not interested.
If you have to call your dad to tell him you’ll be bringing the car home late or your mom to leave the door unlocked tonight – let’s not even have this conversation.
If on the first date you tell me you work hard all day you’re not going to come home and help clean – please forgive me when I throw my drink in your face as I walk out the door.
If your idea of the perfect night in is sitting in your boxers and socks playing video games (with or without a headset, but especially with) – no thank you, bro, I have better things to do.
If your strategy to win an argument is throwing a man tantrum – #ByeBoo
If you eat like a caveman in public – we’re not going to work out.
If you refuse to put a label on our relationship after a reasonable amount of time, don’t get mad when I don’t act like I’m in a relationship.
If you leave me guessing, then the game is over.
If you only refer to me as baby, sweetheart or any other pet name, don’t be startled when I quiz you on my real name.
If you show up to our nice dinner date wearing sweats, clog Crocs or those ugly 5 finger toe shoes, there isn’t even going to be a nightcap.
If we just met a hot minute ago and you ask me to “send you a picture” you will automatically be placed on my Do Not Answer list in my phone.
If you tell me you’re an asshole, don’t be surprised when I believe you. #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat
If you don’t value me, you will be effective immediately disqualified.
What are your dating rules?
“If you only refer to me as baby, sweetheart or any other pet name, don’t be startled when I quiz you on my real name.”
Can you imagine if they actually forgot it! How annoying.